FLASHBACK FRIDAY: CONFIDENCE & COMPARISON
“That’s the thing about insecurity. When it grips us, the very thing we need most-truth-is the very thing we have a hard time grasping” Lysa Terkeurst, The Best Yes
“and let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.” Galations 6:9
I started a new Bible study recently. I always go into a new study with a small amount of grumbling. I know, just know, God is going to put me through the ringer about something. He’s not doing this to be mean. He wants to stretch me molding me into the best human I can be; the woman He created me to be. However, sometimes, a lot of times, that stretching hurts and is uncomfortable. So, I started this study and as the days passed and I completed the lessons I hadn’t felt that gut-wrenching stretch that I usually do. I thought I was off the hook. It wasn’t until I decided to proclaim what I felt God was speaking into my life did I feel that pull.
I had just come out of a season of in-between and worked on a study about how I should be undaunted in the passions the Lord has instilled in me when I gained my confidence. I heard and have been hearing the Lord speak the same theme over my life for awhile, so I decided it was time to proclaim it out loud. Gasp. I feel like once that proclamation is made, all bets are off. I decided I was going to follow the Lord’s prompting and be obedient and then BAM! Satan snuck in and hit me with a two-by-four. The moment I finally gained my confidence I began the beautifully dangerous art of comparison. You see, Satan will keep you in a place of stress, anxiety, comparison, or in an overwhelmed life so you cannot be used effectively for the kingdom. That’s his job. He knows our weakest parts and he goes straight for the jugular. He may remain quiet while you get rolling and then he sneaks up in our thoughts, in our hearts, and in the depths of our souls.
The moment, the very moment I said I was going after what I felt He was calling me to do, comparison came rushing at me. Everyone who did what I wanted to do, showed up and shined. Those leaders that I admire were being fed so intensely while I was folding laundry and getting kids off the bus. I was behind, unused, and unqualified. I was comparing my weakness, the places where I lack, with others strengths. With comparison comes judgment and judgment leads to dark places. I began to think, “Why does she get that opportunity and I am stuck here watching Peep and Quack for the millionth time. I don’t even have time to read my Bible at the moment yet she’s being fed by the most incredible spiritual leaders on the planet?” I even went to the darkest of dark and thought: “Does that person even deserve this?” Yikes. I can’t believe I am even typing this but feel like someone needs to hear it. Someone needs a voice speaking out all those ugly thoughts we don’t dare let see the light of day.
I woke up knowing I did not like the ugliness within me. I talk a lot to the boys about their reactions to things. We talk about the artistry of our emotions: how God gave us emotions but it’s how we express and deal with them that matters. My emotions were not pretty that morning and I knew I needed prayer. I asked Scott to pray over me before I left and text two friends that I knew would understand, love me anyway, and pray. When I arrived to my destination we had a speaker who talked about resolutions. She had an acronym she was going over and there it was: the “r” in her acronym was “Reaction.” She discussed how Satan will go on attack the moment we proclaim obedience to God. How will we react?
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” John 16:33
I knew I was under attack. The feelings and attitude shifts I was experiencing came from deep within in a battle for my spirit. My insecurities were haunting me and I allowed the voices inside to tell me: you are not good enough, you are not qualified, why would you be chosen to do something so great, there are many many others that are far better than you.
“Then Moses said to the LORD, “Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” The LORD said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? “Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say.” But he said, “Please, Lord, now send the message by whomever You will.” Exodus 4:10-13
I could relate to Moses. God was telling me go, speak, do what I have called you to do and I returned hands-on-hips telling no to the God who designed me uniquely for His purpose.
At the end of our meeting, the coordinator, and friend, wrapped up the talk with her story and a statement that ran rampant in her thoughts when she was wrestling with obeying what God was so boldly and loudly calling her to do. She said, “God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the called.” Y’all, I have been sitting on a blog post entitled, “Qualified” for weeks. For weeks. And then she speaks this truth out loud after I hear a talk on how the enemy attacks us when we obey God’s calling. That’s all I needed.
My friends did text back. One text me a verse that is in the very study I thought didn’t move in me deeply. The Scripture is found in Psalms 139:16 and says, “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me? They are more numerous than grains of sand.”
No matter who is doing what, He knows me. He knows my days and my purpose. He instills that in me. The incredible Christine Caine says that no matter what happens or how our circumstances change, He doesn’t. My confidence is in Him not what I am or am not doing and not in the opportunity the other gal got and I didn’t. My confidence is in Him. I have SUCH a passion for women to KNOW and believe this: Our confidence is in our Savior NOT our world. I also have a passion that I, too, believe it.
“He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love.” Zephaniah 3:17.
My other amazing friend text me that verse. My confidence is in Him. He rejoices over me. He loves me.
He is beckoning me to something grand; something beyond anything I can ask or even imagine. I don’t want to miss it because I am comparing my life to one that wasn’t written for me.
“When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ’s! So don’t you see that we don’t owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There’s nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God’s Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a child-like ‘What’s next, Papa?'”Romans 8:10-16 (MSG)
Live expectantly. Live adventurously. Don’t be timid. Don’t tend the grave. Let Him beckon you and obey.
Love & Blessings,
Meg