The Chase

‘As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,  but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”’ Luke 10:38-42

My eight year old and I were in the car. We had a long drive and he had a lot of words. One topic of conversation was Moses. I am not sure how we got there, he just started talking about the golden calf (Don’t ask me how he knows these things. He is smarter than all of us combined. I am certain he is plotting world domination in his young mind.). I explained to him that the golden calf was an idol. He asked me what an idol was and I gave him the definition. He responded by letting me know that he didn’t have any idols. I countered with the fact that while our idols may not look like a giant golden calf, we all have them.

God is stripping me of my idols. Ugh. It is the worst. Seriously. You think you are doing right and good and the next thing you know, some crazy idol is staring you in the face reminding you of your flaws.

I chase perfection. I am well-aware that perfection is unattainable, but that doesn’t stop me. I did about eighty things before I sat down to write today because I have this yearning in my soul to have everything in its place before I can do anything else. I am not quite OCD, but pretty close.

Yesterday was tough. We got home from a trip and had some things to do. Summer came on us quick after the busiest May of all my life. Add a house flood on top of it all, and our home life was fairly chaotic. Being a perfection-chaser, I do not thrive well in chaos. So, I got out my Sharpee and poster board and made the boys and I a beautiful list. We had things to do and I had a master plan. 

You know what happens with a to-do list and kids? Chaos and nothing. As a mom, you find the lunatic that resides within when you give your children a list of chores. Even if your kids are perfect, you give them a to-do list and all of a sudden they become incapable of life.

I had my own list to conquer. I probably put more on that list than I could accomplish in one day, but I was determined; chasing perfection amidst the chaos. 

My boys are old enough to do the things without me babysitting them. Or, so I thought. For the most part, they worked and did the things. But, then there were those moments when I had to stop what I was doing to answer questions that, in my mind, they should have been able to answer. There were also the moments when they were making a bigger disaster trying to “help.” So, I had to take over. Eight hours later and I was done. Completely wiped and exhausted. There was nothing left in me.

As I was working and prodding the kids to do the things, I felt a frustration well-up inside. I am trying to create something for myself and I have absolutely no space to do it because my family cannot manage themselves without me doing all-the-things. Do you ever feel like that, mamas? If you don’t do it, it doesn’t get done. Or, it gets done incorrectly, so you end up redoing all the things.

I was outside pressure washing the patio. And, I was crying. This job was not mine to do, but I found myself in this space anyway. I was mad at God. And I told Him. (He can handle it.) I wanted to write not pressure wash. I needed to tend to the community I am trying to create, but, I was pressure washing. I was frustrated that while I feel He has placed this passion in my heart, He wasn’t creating space for me to pursue it. I was bogged down with the needs of our home and family with nothing left to give.

I was overwhelmed.

I wonder if that’s how Martha felt. She saw her sister sitting down just hanging out while she was doing all the things. No one was helping her and no one seemed to care that the meal was not done yet and the house not cleaned. What she valued did not seem to matter to them and that was infuriating. I can relate.

I wonder if Martha was like me: a chaser of perfection. It filled her soul to have everything in its place and the meal beautiful when having guests over. She felt accomplished and complete in doing these things. But, had they become an idol? Was she chasing perfection instead of chasing Jesus.

When I get to Heaven is God going to ask me if my house was in order, all the beds made? Or, is He going to ask me what I did with His Son? I know the answer. It’s Jesus. But, my soul longs for perfection.

I don’t think Jesus was calling Martha out telling her she was a horrible person for chasing perfection. I do think, however, that He was pointing out an idol in her life and letting her know that chasing perfection will never fill her soul. Only He can do that. And, Mary knew it. Mary knew that life happened at the feet of Jesus not in the kitchen. I know that, too.

My kids weren’t purposefully stuffing clothes and trash into various corners instead of putting them in the proper place. They were being kids. And me? Well, I was chasing perfection which led to frustration.

Taking care of our home and family is not a bad thing. It is a very good thing to serve the people God has entrusted me with. However, they can never take the place of Jesus. The moment they do is the moment they become an idol.

Idols are funny things. We don’t realize they are idols until we are slapped in the face with them. Like Wyatt, we think idols look like golden calves. When, in reality, they look like our phones, our jobs, our schedules, our kids, perfection.

There is time for the passion He has instilled in me. Plenty of time. I just need to lay my idols down. His passion for me takes precedence over beds made and toys picked up. Sitting at His feet through the ministry He has placed in my heart comes before an empty kitchen sink. Yesterday felt overwhelming because it was overwhelming. My priorities, while well-and-good, were listed in the wrong order. Because of this, I was beat down and wore out.

Martha wasn’t wrong in getting things just right for her guests. She just had her to-do list numbered wrong. I got my list wrong, too. I chase perfection and it is my idol. He is calling me to lay it down.

What are you chasing? That thing you have to have or have to do before you can do anything else? Like Martha, it may not be a bad thing. It just needs to be moved to a different number on the list.

Love & Blessings,

Meg