Flashback Friday: Exhausted

FLASHBACK FRIDAY:

This post popped up on my Time Hop this week. What incredible timing! Isn’t it amazing how God does things like this? You are going through something hard and He shows you He is near. I may not be sick (knock on wood), but I am exhausted. Exhausted from the busy and the stress; stressing about unnecessary things. The last paragraph still speaks great truth: Sometimes God knows what will heal us so He allows some hardships in order for us to get there. I still need to learn how to rest and let go and trust Him with everything and in all circumstances. Life is a journey, not a destination. I will get there one day.

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“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:19

What do I do? Too much. And what is the result? Exhaustion.

I went to kids camp with our church a week ago. I had the best time hanging with these kids watching them gain their independence away from mom and dad and grow in their faith. There is nothing like the sight of children raising their hands praising the Lord in worship. I also got to spend time with some incredible people. Time I wouldn’t have gotten in our everyday lives. I enjoyed every second.

We woke up early and excited each day eagerly anticipating the day before us. We jumped from meals, to chapel, to activities, to more meals, and chapel again. We spent most of our days outside in the steaming Oklahoma sun. Once the kids were in bed, the grown-ups met up to play a mean game of Spoons. And by “mean game” I mean, you haven’t seen competition until you play Spoons with a bunch of church leaders. I’ll leave it at that.

Up early. To bed too late. Rinse and repeat. For six days.

On the drive home I became very ill. I had an uneasy feeling the moment I walked on the bus. I had a headache, was tired, and a little queasy. I had a feeling this ride wasn’t going to be smooth. I didn’t think, however, that I would get as sick as I did.

My illness didn’t end in the bus. I came home that evening and crashed. I woke up the next day and had to tap out. My body couldn’t do any more things. Monday and Tuesday rolled around and I felt a little better but not totally back to normal. Wednesday was a good day and then Thursday hit. Me-oh-my. Thursday about did me in. By Friday, I had had it. I don’t get sick very often. And when I do, give me 24 hours and I am usually better. This sick for a week thing was doing me in in a bad way. I needed to get well and knew I needed to go to the doctor but didn’t want to. I get myself worked into a frenzy sometimes and worried that I may have gotten a brain eating amoeba from the lake we swam in. What can I say? Exhaustion makes my mind go mad.

My mind. It races to far off lands sometimes. I can make up the most bizarre scenarios in my head and they are totally believable to me. Others think I am nuts, but in my mind it all makes sense.

Here’s the deal, I don’t listen to exhaustion. Maybe I feel above the tired and like I can accomplish just one more thing or participate in one more activity when, I should have let go and rested instead.

The last morning at camp I got up and ready earlier than normal. I decided to sit on the back patio that overlooked the lake. The sun was showing off in a beautiful display rising over the lake. I was listening to my favorite worship music reading Proverbs and praying. I broke in that moment. Before I even felt an inkling of being sick, I knew I messed up. I knew I should’ve taken advantage of time and not overdone it at camp. I should have gone to bed earlier so I could have awakened and seen the beautiful masterpiece painted by the Master as sun rose over the lake. I should have let myself miss an activity with the kids to go lay down and give my body the rest and reprieve that it needed. Instead, I chose to go, go, go and I paid the price. I had a choice to make: slow down and be still or continue on the path of busyness. Both were good. Letting our bodies have rest is imperative to good physical and mental health. Spending time with the kids at camp making connections and showing love is also good. But I couldn’t have both. I had to choose and I chose too much.

I ended up in the ER on Friday hooked to an IV to get meds and fluids. They ran tests and thankfully I did not have an amoeba. I was suffering from exhaustion. Too much heat. Too much on-the-go.

I suffered this week because I didn’t listen. I didn’t listen to my body and I didn’t listen to that still small voice inside that told me I needed to slow down that week. I ignored all the signs and paid the piper.

Because I was so sick and exhausted this past week, I had to overcome feeling defeated. I prayed, searched Scripture, and asked for prayer from others. One verse that resonated all week is found in Zephaniah 3:19. I needed to be reminded that He is with me even when I don’t make the best choices. He saves me: from myself sometimes. He delights in me. Ah. This part of the verse I had to speak over myself continuously. Sometimes when you are hurting, frustrated, scared, and don’t feel good, you need to remind yourself that He delights in you. He quiets me with his love. This is another part of the verse I had on repeat in my mind. When I don’t feel good. When things feel out of my control, I need him to quiet my weary spirit because I can get myself in quite a tizzy. I love the last part of the verse: he rejoices over me. Me? God rejoices over me? Absolutely he does. I gain so much confidence in myself and so much peace knowing that the God of the universe rejoices over me.

Our pastor spoke on Jonah this morning. He said something that spoke to my spirit: Sometimes God may send the storm to grab your attention. God absolutely allowed me time to be sick this past week. He knew I needed a body reset. He knew I needed to refocus my attention on him instead of the busy. He knew I needed to be inundated with His Word. He knew I needed to get back to fully relying on him instead of myself. He knew so he allowed.

I am learning the value of rest. It may take me awhile, but I am learning. I am also learning to trust more. Too often, I close my fist thinking I know better or if I give up control it may hurt too much. God is too good for that nonsense and I am learning to believe that.

He is with me
He is mighty to save
He delights in me
He quiets me with his love
He rejoices over me

…and you!

Love & Blessings,
Meg