Family Series Wrap-Up: Family Top 10

The Family Series:

In light of the holiday season, I thought it would benefit all of us if we went through a little family series. We all find ourselves spending a little more time with family members we may avoid throughout the year. What better way to start this season off right, then to talk about the GOOD, the BAD, and the MESSY of family.

Drop a comment about what would be in your FAMILY TOP 10.

How do I find health in my family? Whether doing life with my parents, in-laws, and extended family or with my immediate family of five, I try and focus on these ten things to keep me centered and healthy. Life, faith, and their messy mingling isn’t seen more presently than in family. I hope you can tuck this Top 10 in your back pocket this Christmas season and find family time a little more enjoyable.

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Family Top 10 

1. Grace: You can never give or receive too much grace. Give it. Then give more. And while you’re at it, give some to yourself.
2. Communication: One thing my husband always says to me is that he can’t read my mind. If something is bothering you, no one will know until you speak up. You can slam as many cabinets as you want, but no one is going to know you are mad until you say something. Don’t let it fester. Get yourself to a calm place emotionally and speak up. Most of the time, things are resolved quite quickly when we just speak up.
3. Be Flexible: None of us are the Leave it to Beaver family. As much as we think our friends have perfect families, we all have our imperfections. Take your expectations down and be flexible. Life happens. People mess up (so do you, by the way). Give space for the screw-up. It’s necessary to be flexible and not hold staunchly to your expectations of others. When we hold too tightly to our expectations we are either disappointed or make the people around us feel like they are walking on eggshells. Neither is good.
4. Take Care of YOU: When our family is out of whack and feeling dysfunctional, we tend to forget about ourselves and focus on all the other people and their wrongdoings. We have got to start with the reflection in the mirror before anything will change. It all starts with you. Get yourself healthy mind, body, and spirit and you will be amazed at how the dysfunction slowly starts to fade.
5. Boundaries: Don’t be afraid to set healthy boundaries. For some reason, we are scared to do this or we think it’s mean. Boundaries are healthy. We all need them. Why do you think we start giving our children boundaries at birth? Give yourself permission to remove yourself from unhealthy situations. Respect the boundaries placed on you by others. And remember, boundaries are about you and your mental health. Don’ take offense.
6. Joint Decisions: If you and your spouse (or significant other) is not all-in, then it’s time to reconsider. Don’t force a decision that isn’t held by all. Allow discussions and truly listen to the other person’s point of view. And, while I do believe that parents are the ultimate decision-makers, don’t ignore your child’s voice. If your child is uncomfortable with walking into a situation with certain family members, let them have a voice about this. This is also a good time to teach them about healthy boundaries.
7. Don’t Take It So Seriously: Allow yourself to laugh. Life is hard enough. It’s okay to laugh at that family faux pas or when your mom made you wear that outfit. I burnt the gravy on Thanksgiving a few years back. I had a house full of people and had no gravy on the one holiday that seriously needs gravy. We still laugh about it today. And every time I take out my backup boxed gravy, I giggled. Family isn’t perfect. Give yourself permission to laugh.
8. Remember: Remember that everyone has a story; everyone has a past. We all have been influenced to be the people we are today by the way we were brought up in the past. This does not excuse bad behavior but gives perspective. Perspective goes a long way when we are struggling with family. Also remember that kids are kids and are going to act like kids. Don’t set the expectations too high or you’re going to live your life irritated.
9. Balance: Even Jesus needed alone time. Don’t disregard the need to step away and have some time to yourself. Take that walk or step away from the conversation if it is too much or overwhelming you. It is okay to be alone. We all need a little quiet every now and then.
10. Jesus: I look at my family and my husband and his family history and the only thing I can tell you is Jesus. Because of Jesus we are able to be where we are today with our families. We are able to love and enjoy every single one of them because of Jesus. He has healed us and given us a love for our families like no other. Lean into Him. He will enable you to love your people and love them well.

Love & Blessings,

Meg