Raising Thinkers

I like to tell my kids what to do. I’m just being honest. I like feeling like I have some semblance of control over their lives. It makes me feel safe. It helps me feel like nothing bad can happen to them. I know this is completely illogical. But, I do it anyway.

Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

The Bible tells us to “train up” our children. But, what does that really mean?

According to Google, “train up” means,

train up. phrasal verb. If someone trains you up, they teach you new skills or give you the necessary preparation so that you will reach the standard required for a particular job or activity. 

When I read Proverbs 22:6 alongside the definition, I find that we are supposed to “prepare” our children. Prepare them for what? Well, for life. We are called to raise our children with the necessary skills to be independent of us and able to be healthy contributing members of society.

This isn’t a blog post about how to raise your kids. This is an opportunity for all of us to take a close look at our parenting and find ways that we can do better. Because we can all do a little better.

At the beginning of this post I said that I like to tell my kids what to do. It brings me security. For a long time, I believe this resulted in trying to tell my kids how to think. I believed that if they believed a certain way that would lead to them living a certain way. Which, in turn, would allow them to live a good life. But, a good life for whom? If I am teaching them to think how I think, I am assuming the way I live my life is what is best for them.

This limits God in my children’s lives. He did not design my boys to live like me. He designed them to live like He created them to live.

It is much more important to teach our children how to think rather then teaching them what to think.

The parent-child relationship is one of discipleship. Think Jesus and his disciples. The disciples first role was to watch Jesus. They followed him watching his every move: how he lived, how he moved, how he interacted with people. They didn’t start teaching and preaching until after they watched him. Our children are no different. They watch our every move taking the good and the bad and storing it away for their own lives. Our words come second to our behavior.

Our job as parents is to train our kids up; to give them the skills necessary to live a full life. The most important skill we can give our children is to be thinkers. We do this by enabling our children to think through the situations before them not telling them how to maneuver it.

I am still learning how to do this. For so long, I believed my boys were safer when I told them what to do instead of allowing them to choose their path. What I have learned, however, is that it is in those choices, those decision-making moments, where my boys find safety. Teaching my kids how to be thinkers (thinking for themselves) enables them to live a more full and successful life.

So, moms and dads, it is time we all let go. We stop telling our children how to think and start teaching them how to think on their own. We give them choices instead of absolutes. We open the doors to opportunities for growth rather than hinder them under our control. If we are going to raise world-changers, (which I hope we are) then we have got to raise thinkers.

Let go.

Trust God.

Trust your kids.

Raise thinkers.

Love & Blessings,

Meg