Don’t Lose You

W hen Jackson was a baby, I would hop into my car on my lunch break and rush to his day care to see him. I had thirty minutes with my baby and I needed every last second. I was a mess of a new mom and had a really hard time leaving him everyday. I was caught in the conundrum of loving teaching with all that I was and loving being a mom desperately wanting to stay home. 

I established a neat relationship with Jack’s care-takers. They were a little older than me and much wiser. They will never fully know how appreciative I am for their advice and comfort during those beginning moments as a mama. When I decided to leave my teaching career and move halfway across the country to do so, they gave me a piece of advice that I didn’t take seriously initially but now hold dear. They told me I had to find something for me. They watched me finish my master’s that year and knew I was the type that needed to be doing. They recognized that I was about to enter a season where I had to hold onto myself or I would get lost. I told you they were wise.

It took me awhile to find myself when we got to Texas. I got myself involved in a lot of mommy and me activities, but didn’t necessarily do much just for me. I loved my time with my mom friends and I did do StrollerFit (you workout with your baby in the mall) which met a need for me while still giving my undivided attention to my little bundle in the stroller. I was preoccupied with momming and having babies and did get lost for a moment. It wasn’t until I jumped on my blog to write about miscarriage did I really find myself like those wise women suggested I do from the start.

I started my blog when MySpace was popular. I just aged myself. Do y’all remember MySpace. Ha. I laugh just thinking about it. I wonder if we are ever going to laugh about Facebook or Instagram the way we do about MySpace. Anyway, I digress. I would post on my blog about milestones and memories we were making as we were adjusting to our new life in Texas. When we decided to try for kid number two, we faced some complications. Once we had our second miscarriage, I fell and I fell hard. It was tough. There were times I didn’t want to do anything. I was just so sad. I will never forget the day I decided to get out of bed and write.

It was cool out; one of those days where winter was changing to spring. The mornings felt like winter but the afternoons ushered in a refreshing taste of the warmth of spring. I walked into Scott’s office, opened the computer, and began to type. I had to get the feelings out. I needed release. And so, I told my story. I was honest, vulnerable, real, and raw. It was terrifying and freeing all in the same moment. I bawled as I typed.

That was the moment I finally listened to those wise women and found myself. I did something for me. I found my identity outside of wife and stay-at-home-mom. It was liberating and empowering and I will never forget it. 

I write this to encourage you; yes, YOU. There is something inside you begging to get out. Something in the depths of your soul that we all need. You have an identity outside of wife, mom, career woman, student, sister, daughter, and friend. Something is calling you but something is holding you back. Don’t let it. Find you. You are equipped to do this. All you need to do is start. It may not be writing. It could be painting, selling something, cooking, anything. What is calling you? You look at the caller ID and push decline too afraid to answer. Do it. 

Find yourself. Your heart and soul need it. So do the people around you. I am a better person because I took the risk and pushed past my fears to follow my calling. You will be, too. It just takes one step. Don’t worry about the next step. It will come. 

Find you.
Let her out.
You will come alive.
Who knows what’s out there.
Your adventure is waiting for you.

“Today is the day. Your mountain is waiting so be on your way.”

Love & Blessings,
Meg