Are You Listening?

In times like these, we must learn to listen and listen well. Less talking. More listening. Use our two ears and close our one mouth. I don’t know about you, but this is tough for a talker like me. I like words. I also like to say all the words. What I am finding, however, is that right now it’s not my turn on the mic. Through this mess and the state of our world, I’ve identified three areas where I need to grow as a listener. (Btw, I know there are MANY more than 3 ways)

The first is that I tense up. Think, plugging my ears singing, “lalalalalala” like a child. I don’t want to hear what they are telling me. I can’t believe it. I can’t wrap my head around what they are telling me, so I stuff it down and pretend I didn’t hear it.

The second is what I refer to as, “eye roll listening.” I just want whatever they are saying to be over with. I have heard it loud and clear, over and over. Can we just be done and move on please? I don’t want to sit in this discomfort anymore.

The third way I shut down when listening to someone else is when they challenge me. I know what they are saying holds at least a little bit of truth, but it goes against my own narrative and that makes me uncomfortable. So, instead of listening further, I shut down because they are obviously wrong. They are wrong because everything I’ve ever known tells me they are wrong. Instead of learning and growing, I stay stagnant in my stubbornness.

The thing is, we all have some sort of rhythm we live by when we listen to people talk. We have agendas and histories and cultures that define how we respond to what people say. We don’t realize that we are influenced by outside perspectives, traditions, and narratives that taint the words coming from someone else’s mouth. Because of this, we need to be mindful in how we listen.

Sometimes, what someone is saying doesn’t always merit a response. We need to ask ourselves, “Am I listening to respond or am I listening to listen?” I find myself in two categories when I am listening to someone speak.Right now, people want to be heard and validated (even if/when you don’t agree). Jesus was really good at this. Let me share a story with you from Luke 10:38-42

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,  but few things are needed or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Bible scholars like to teach about how Mary got it right. She knew how to worship Jesus. And Martha, well Martha was a busy body. Let’s look at this verse a different we, shall we?

Mary listened to Jesus. Her response isn’t recorded. It’s not needed because she listened without an agenda.She didn’t need to respond. She didn’t need to tell him her thoughts, opinions, or ways. Her purpose in this moment was to just listen. And Jesus noticed. Now, Jesus noticing Mary’s good listening skills did not disqualify Martha’s hard work. Martha’s hard work did not eliminate her from her importance to Jesus. Jesus just recognized that in that moment, listening is what mattered.

Listening to someone else and validating how they are feeling does not disqualify your thoughts or feelings. Instead, it shows you care. And I know you care about other humans. Listening to someone, truly hearing what they are saying, tells that person that they matter; they have value. I believe this is what Jesus did in every encounter He had with people. He listened in a way that told them they mattered. He did it in such a way that their lives were eternally changed.

Get out there. Listen. Sit with that person and hear them. Don’t plan your response. Just be. Inhale. Exhale. Listen. Repeat.