Heard: Listening to Validate Not Agree

Scott and I got into an argument the other day. Well, it wasn’t really an argument. I was irritated with him and he was pushing my buttons. This story goes like this…

I was telling him some widely reported facts (Yes, the emphasis is need. This is my blog and I will emphasis when I want to.) He acted like he didn’t believe me; like he didn’t hear me. I told him this was old news and not something I found on Facebook. He still went on his merry way to check for himself. And I was irritated. I just wanted him to listen to me and agree. I didn’t need him fact-checking me.

Don’t we all feel that most of the time? We just want to be heard. We don’t need anymore fact-checkers in our lives. There’s a time and a place to check the facts. And then there is a time for someone to just listen.

I was listening to two guys talk about the state of our day. One white. The other black. The white guy would ask the black guy a question. After the black guy would answer, the white guy would say, “heard.” As in, I hear you loud and clear. He did say, “I agree.” He didn’t dispute his answer. He didn’t try to persuade him another way. He just said, “heard.”

Heard.

People just want to be heard.

In a world that feels so very loud, there’s one thing I know. People just want to be heard. They want to be heard without an agenda. People want someone to sit next to them and listen. Just listen.

The world feels chaotic and overwhelming. I hear one thing but am told to do another. I don’t know which way is up most days. I feel like I have to defend myself, my principals, and beliefs. Right now, however, God is asking me to stay quiet and begin to listen. It’s time for me to tell my friends, “heard.”

What I do know in all this mess, however, is that there are voices I need to listen to. People I need to glean from so I can grow and change. Even the voices that feel like sand paper to my soul. I don’t need to listen to the rhetoric. I need to listen to the people. Because it is their stories, their perspectives, that will open my heart to empathize and work towards change. Heard.

The Bible talks a lot about how we should listen. Scan through the Book of Proverbs and you will find how imperative it is that we listen and listen correctly. Here are a few to help us become better listeners in this season (& beyond)…

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. James 1:9

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. Proverbs 18:13

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. Proverbs 18:2 (YIKES. Can I get an Amen!)

Making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding. Proverbs 2:2

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Proverbs 17:27

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3

I could go on, but you get the point. It is important to listen. Listen to understand. Listen to grow. Listen to learn.

So, in all this mess, in all the noise that is out there, what exactly am I supposed to listen to? Well, this is where we succeed and fail; where we pray and sort. What helps me sort through the chaos is the Holy Spirit. We don’t utilize Him much. He’s a forgotten God. What we don’t realize, however, is how valuable the Holy Spirit is; especially in times like these.

Here’s how I discern: How is my spirit after I just listened? Am I anxious? Am I fearful? Am I angry? Am I short-tempered? If so, I am not listening to the right things. I found this out the hard way. One day, Scott came to me and told me I hadn’t smiled in days. I also realized that I got super snappy with the boys after I finished listening to certain things on my phone. Notice your spirit after you listen. Are you feeling paralyzed or moved to change? Are you at peace or enraged?

I stopped listening to the rhetoric and started listening to the stories. Human connection is what I needed and those humans needed me to respond with, “heard,” not my opinion.

We must learn to listen without an agenda. In order to heal, people need to be heard. And that means, people who don’t sound like you. I think we can all grow in this area. Who will you listen to and your only response is, “heard”? I hope you will accept this challenge with me.

Here’s to listening more and talking less.

Heard.