All The Feels

How to respond when other people’s feelings are difficult to process.

I am a Dateline junkie. It actually doesn’t have to be Dateline. Give me any crime story and I am mesmerized. One thing I notice a lot is when the detectives talk about suspects. They typically say something similar. They pay close attention to the reactions and emotions of those closest to the victim. What do their feelings look like? Are they responding appropriately to what just happened? Does their emotional response match the crime that just occurred?

I noticed myself doing the same thing the other day. I watched someone on Instagram respond emotionally to something and it didn’t sit right with me. I stopped and asked myself why I had such a vicerol reaction. Why did I care how this person reacted? Yet, so many of us find ourselves in the same space lately.

Emotions are messy. I know I am typically pretty illogical when I am heightened emotionally. I’ve got to work through the dumpster fire of my emotions before I can think rationally. You too?

Right now, people’s emotions are high (and that’s an understatement). We are all feeling something; some of us more extreme then others. We’ve all got to work it out in our own time and our own way. It is not our place or responsibility to tell someone how to feel about something.

Ahhhhh. Isn’t that freeing?

Our job isn’t to say whether what they are feeling is right or wrong. Our responsibility is to walk with our friends as they work it out. “You make that sound so easy, Megan. Life is much more complicated.” No. It actually isn’t. Not having a reaction to how someone else is emotionally responding to a situation actually simplifies your life. How do I suppose we do this and do it well? Let me help us all out and remind us how Jesus led when He was here.

"The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him." John 13:2-5 (Read the full story of John 13:1-17 here)

Jesus came to serve others; to love on them no matter what. He let them feel, speak, and say the things that we demand shouldn’t be said out loud. His ability to see, love, and value people in all stages of life is what led them to eternal life change. Right now, people don’t need a lecture. They need someone to wash their feet.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." Romans 12:15 

If someone is hurting, we sit with them in that pain. We don’t leave them because we don’t agree with their emotional response. We walk with them and let them work it out. We wash their feet. Their emotional healing and break-thru is between them and God. Let the Holy Spirit do His work. He’s much more powerful then we give Him credit. We listen. We make ourselves available. We let them process and know that the processing usually gets uglier and messier before healing comes.

There are a lot of emotions flying around out there. And that’s okay. I always tell the boys that God gave us our emotions. Because our emotions come from Him, they are good. It is how we respond to our emotions that matters. A lot of times, most of the time, our emotional response is ominous and nasty before the beauty of healing emerges.

How will you sit with someone is their feelings? How can you be like Jesus and wash feet in this season (and beyond)? I don’t know many things, but one thing I do know is that loving someone through their emotions will lead to greater peace, hope, and change.