Flashback Friday: Our Miracle

Flashback Post: A Continuation of the Miscarriage Series

I wrote this post when I was twelve weeks pregnant with our middle son. At this point, I had had two miscarriages. I also thought I lost him. I had some complications at 12 weeks that lasted until 20 weeks. This post is emotional, real, and raw. I express how I came to terms with all the questions of “why.” I read my words from over nine years ago and can still feel what I felt then. It was a gut-wrenching time in our lives. But God. God never left our sides. Even when I was angry with Him, He stood firm right next to me. When I was scared in that ER, He held me closer. My prayer in all these posts is that they show you that hope is never lost. You may have never experienced miscarriage and never will. You can still relate to this post. We have all been at a gut-wrenching place where we cry so hard we don’t think we will ever be able to stop. Hope still resides in those desperate moments. He hasn’t left your side. He is still there.

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“You are the God who performs miracles; You will display Your power among the peoples.” Psalm 77:14

Meet our miracle…and our secret. Yes, it is true. I am pregnant; about twelve weeks and a few days to be exact. We wanted to make sure this baby was healthy before announcing how great God has been to us! We have known about this precious little blessing for a little over two months and have eagerly awaited numerous sonogram and test results. We have witnessed God’s mighty, yet gentle, hand every Tuesday for the past five weeks. This baby is a fighter. However, the road is not “clear” quite yet. We met with the pareanatoligist today to do a sonogram and blood test to determine if there are any chromosomal abnormalities; specifically Downs, and Trisomy 13 and 18. Although the sonogram looked great and the doctor said we were in the “safe zone,” we are still waiting for blood test results. We will receive these in 5-7 business days. These results will hopefully confirm what the sono showed-no complications. Please be on your knees that this sweet child is as healthy and strong as it has appeared.

I must say that this pregnancy has been a journey of faith. Not only have I had to overcome worry, fear, and doubt, we’ve hit some bumps along the way. One major test of my faith came Sunday afternoon. I began cramping and bleeding. Scott and I rushed to the ER and after three and a half hours it was determined that I have a placental tear. There’s some fancy name for it but this is easier for me to say and spell. Anyway, the baby was fine, and still is fine. The tear typically does not affect the baby. We were reassured of this today when the doctor measured the tear and further encouraged us that it is okay and happens often in the first trimester. I was on pretty strict bed rest yesterday and now have just been told to take it easy. I am feeling fine and I promise I am resting although that is a hard “rule” for me to follow:) Even though this was a pretty big scare and I was nervous at times, I had an overarching sense of peace and serenity. That was God!

Now I need to be vulnerable and honest with all of you. As I go through this miraculous journey I have struggled with not saying anything or writing about it on my blog. My desire is that you see God in all of this; even those, ESPECIALLY those, who do not believe. Every Tuesday as Scott is praying for God’s will in our lives I am praying for a miracle and every Tuesday I have witnessed one. When we were in the ER Scott held my hand and he prayed for us. He asked me specifically what I wanted prayer for and I said a miracle. He responded in telling me that all he could pray for was God’s will. I respect him beyond words that he can so confidently pray and desire for God’s will to be done without truly knowing what the end result will entail. Meanwhile, however, I was praying for a miracle silently to myself. I was not pleading or begging. I was just asking God to show His mighty and merciful hand and that He still works miracles today. And you know what, He did just that. He performed a miracle Sunday night! There was NO way in my mind that the baby was alive and sure enough the baby was perfectly healthy! If that doesn’t help you to see God’s glory I don’t know what will!

Some of you who are still skeptical may ask, “If God still performs miracles and is as good as you say He is then why did you have to go through what you did? Why didn’t He save my other babies? Well, I can’t answer for God but I can tell you what I think. I needed to be taught. I had to learn something. I needed to be solely dependent on Him and know that I am really not in control and that is OKAY. Actually, it is better than okay. I’d rather have my Creator and merciful God be in control that crazy old me! Unfortunately I am stubborn and a visual/tangible learner. God HAD to get my attention in a mighty way. I will be forever grateful and indebted for what I’ve gone through in this past year for I am not the same person I was before and I could not be more relieved! Secondly, you would never have seen God in such a powerful and glorious way had I not gone through what I have. If I had another healthy pregnancy right away we’d all rejoice and be happy which is totally fine. However, we would have missed God’s glory, magnificence, power, beauty, grace, righteousness, gentleness had this been the case. His glory shines so brightly now. Last, He, I believe, was protecting Scott and I from having a baby with special needs or major health problems. Scott and I pray daily, and always have when I am pregnant, for a healthy vibrant baby. When the baby wasn’t healthy, he took her away.

So, there you have it. That’s my heart. All I desire through this is that you see the AMAZING God I love! I may not understand Him all the time but I know and believe that He is merciful, glorious, and mighty! He has great plans for this baby! I just feel it in my bones! If you are a believer, please take a moment to praise Him for this miracle and stop for a moment and thank Him for the miracles He gives you EVERYDAY! If you are still not convinced that He is God, that there is a God, just follow my story. You will see Him. Also, take a moment to reread this week’s “Monday Musings.” I really think the verses of praise will have new meaning for you!

I love and cherish all of you! Thank you for taking the time to read what comes purely from my heart. Thank you for praying for me and my family. This miracle would not be occurring in my life without the power and presence of prayer. Please continue praying that the test results come back negative and that sweet little miracle baby keeps thriving! I will keep you posted!

“Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God.” Romans 4:20

“Through Him we have gained access by faith into His grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope and glory of God.” Romans 5:2

Love & Blessings,

Meg