Let Them GO

I bawled my eyes out pulling away after dropping my babies off at sleep-away camp.

I couldn’t wait to get to FaceTime my oldest while he was on his missions trip.

The fish died and I couldn’t resurrect him. On the first day of school.

One kid didn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch. All his buddies got a different lunch. He sat alone. I couldn’t fix it.

Motherhood is phenomenal. Motherhood is hard. As my friend, Brandi, says, “You want to hug them into your soul. Sometimes you want to karate chop them in the neck. And then you want to hug them into your soul again.”

I want to rescue them. I want to go back to when they were squishy babies. I also look forward to them moving out and becoming adults. I am loving the privilege of watching them grow and come into their own. It’s a constant push-and-pull.

I decided not to walk the two youngest into school on their first day. Most of the parents at our school walk their children to their classroom on the first day. They actually walk them to class the entire first week of school. It’s a mess. Lots of people every where. I decided this year that my kids were very capable of walking themselves in. We’ve been at this school for six years. If these boys weren’t actual students at the school, they were being dragged to see their big brother. They know the school.

We all know time is a thief. It comes in and steals moments making them zip by so fast that we don’t realize they happened until they are gone. I had two precious videos on my TimeHop app of my baby boys. One crawling up the stairs for the first time and and the other being precious in his crib on that first day of school. The same day I let them walk in on their own.

In all the feelings and conundrums of motherhood, I am learning one thing. If I do it right, I will feel fulfilled not deflated when one season ends and another begins. My boys are not mine. They are His. My role is to guide them and train them in this life to be good humans, successful adults who positively contribute to society, and love Jesus. My job is not to smother. My job is not to control. My job is not to hold on too tight even when I don’t want to let go.

I am (slowly) learning to release these boys. Sometimes, it’s easy and I am confident in doing so. Other times, I bawl my eyes out and don’t want to let go. What I have seen in allowing myself to let go is three incredible little men thriving in their lives; their own lives. Because this is their life to live. Not mine. I am just a part of their story; their brilliant beautiful story.

Mamas, it is time to release the grip. We need to give them space to be the people we have hoped and dreamed for them to become. It is time we stand back and stare in awe of how incredible they are. What an awesome privilege to watch these children grow right before our eyes.

My sister told me once that God does not rip the band-aid off all at once. Instead, he gives us small moments of release. Allow them. Search for them. Because when you slowly release that death grip on their lives, you get to see the magic. You get to see God alive and vibrant in their lives. You get to trust Him because ultimately, they are His.

Squeeze them into your soul. Give them a karate chop every now and again. And then, release them. You will be amazed at what a gift it is.

Love & Blessings,

Meg