I was sitting on my little couch getting ready to send out an email when I noticed the banner ad. It caught my attention immediately because it spurred excitement way down in my soul. The ad was for seminary. Now, some of you are like, “How on earth does an ad for school excite you?” Look, I am a forever student at heart. Academics excites me. What can I say?

I began filling out the (intense) application. I couldn’t answer one of the questions so I called my husband for help. He was on his way home from a business trip totally unaware of my crazy idea to head back to school in the fall. He picked up the phone and I immediately asked the question catching him totally off-guard. I told him what I was doing after getting a confused response. He asked me to wait until he got home before I hit send so we could have a conversation about this little endeavor of mine.

He arrived home soon after our chat and joined me on my tiny love seat in my office. We chatted about school, the whys, the hows, all the things. Then, he looked at me and said something that I will never forget. He said, “I don’t think this is what you really want to do. I think this is the easy predictable route. Think on it before you jump in.” Of course, I cried (If you know me, you know that this is not a surprise). And then, in that moment, a dream was launched. I knew I would have to put myself out there in a way I had never done before and that terrified me. As I sat on that little couch feeling the warmth of the August sun beaming through the window onto my back, I knew it was time; time to launch a dream.

I started out working on my craft and getting it out there. However, I stayed in my safe space. A couple months passed and I hadn’t really stepped out yet. Then, I went to a conference that completely changed the trajectory of my mission. It blew everything out of the water and me out of my comfort zone. I felt exposed. I felt scared. I felt excited.

I changed my focus and started having fun. So much fun. I made new goals and jumped on the train to follow this new lead. Of course I prayed, but, I still had my ideas, my plans, my vision. I thought I was bringing it to God, but, in reality, I was bringing Him my stuff not coming to Him ready to receive His. This was a one-way street from me to Him. He put this desire in my heart, I thought, so He will bless this road.

And then I sat.

And sat.

And sat.

Things happened and moved but man, did they move ever so slowly. I didn’t feel like it was growing the way it should have. Slow and steady wins the race was not my jam. I was stuck.

I recently realized that I was going about this all wrong. Yes, I was focused on “the one” and not the crowd. I knew in my heart that if my words helped one woman find freedom, find Jesus, it was all worth it. But, I was not doing it right. I was taking all my hopes, dreams, purposes, and designs to God telling Him to bless it instead of going to God asking what He wanted me to do with this grand scheme. My plan was background and I was hitting a wall because of it.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (emphasis mine)

I have had Jeremiah 29:11 memorized since I became a Christian in high school. It is inscribed on the Bible my dad gave me for high school graduation. This verse has always given me hope. However, it wasn’t until adulthood that I really understood what God was saying. While He’s telling us that He does have a plan for us, He does not tell us that this plan will come to fruition this side of Heaven. All the blood, sweat, and tears we put into His plan for our lives will lead to something amazing. We just might not see it. I think of Moses not seeing his promised land until he got to Heaven and saw it from there. This verse also reminds me that it is HIS PLAN not mine. His. For so long, I got this wrong. I took the desires within me, molded them into my vision, and presented them before Him telling Him to bless it. That’s not the way it works. Not one bit.

The moment I changed my focus from bringing my hopes, dreams, and purposes to God asking Him to bless them to asking for guidance from Him for what is on His heart for me, I was free. Free of striving. Free of feeling disappointment. Free of comparison. Free of the pressure to make this into something all on my way. I let go of all the pressures to grow this ministry because that pressure is not mine. That pressure is His. I was relieved from the frustrations that things were taking too long or not moving in the right direction. My job is NOT to make this dream work. My job is to take one step at a time in obedience. His job is to bless it (or let it go, if that’s His plan).

Take the pressure off yourself today. You were never meant to carry that burden. Know that if God placed something in your heart, all you are required to do is take a step in obedience. He will work out the details. He will make it grow. He will shut it down if this isn’t for you. Our job isn’t to manipulate the situation to make it work out. Our job is to follow His lead in the direction we should go.

Be free today.

Free of the pressure to perform.

Free to make something grow faster than it was intended to grow.

Free from the burden that you aren’t doing enough.

He is your enough.

Be free.

Love & Blessings,

Meg