Thrive
Hi. My name is Megan and I have a problem. I like control. I like feeling like I am in control of all things. When I feel out of control, I become a cleaning and organizing freak. Because if I can’t control my circumstances, I …
Tag: faith
Recovering Perfectionist
<FLASHBACK FRIDAY> I am a recovering perfectionist. Weeellll, I can’t honestly say I’m recovered, but I am working on getting there. I did have to do about a bazillion things and get them all perfectly in order before I could sit down and write today. …
Summer of Independence
I have some goals this summer. Like, get my kids to make themselves breakfast and tie their shoes. I want them to be able to man themselves for more than 2.5 seconds without Mama Camp Counselor calling the shots. I created three of you. Three built-in buddies. Surely, you can play together and entertain each other without my intervention. What I didn’t realize, is that teaching my kids independence meant I had to learn some independence, too.
I have served my family for twelve years. I left my teaching career eleven years ago to stay home and raise our kids. All I’ve known this season is serving others. My identity formed in the throws of motherhood. It’s hard to just let that go. My sister says that God doesn’t just pull the band-aid off. Little-by-little, your children gain their independence and slowly move from needing you for everything to only needing you for certain things.
As much as I want my boys to gain independence, I have realized that this is difficult for me. I know it’s my job to raise competent humans. But, it is also my job to love and care for them. I am learning that mommy has a lot of growing to do this summer, too.
Giving your children independence is a lot of work and not just for the kids. My heart needs to let go; if only just a little bit. I need to make space for the boys to learn, grow, and make mistakes outside of their mama. These are the moments that will propel them towards becoming a good human.
I’m not going to lie, though. It’s tough. Giving your kiddos independence means you lose a little control. Your kitchen may become a disaster; things left done but undone. Yet, we were all designed for independence.
Independence is where my children will find the God their dad and I talk about. Independence is where their faith will be tested and hopefully strengthened. Independence is where they will fall and learn their need for a Savior. Independence is the place where their faith will become their own. And this is what I want my kids to learn this summer.
This is the summer of independence. A summer of mom letting go and kids coming into their own. Space to make mistakes and find grace. A time to find and develop their need for and (hopefully) for Jesus. A season to realize they truly are capable of so many things. We will all be challenged, pressed upon, and frustrated at times. But, the reward is too great not to step into a summer of independence.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
Church and the Table
I pinned plans and pictures of farmhouse tables to my Pinterest board. It was time for us to get a new table and I had the perfect one pictured in my head. The table we had was getting a little small and a little worn …
Take Me To Church
I was sitting at Starbucks typing away and doing some research when a party of four sat down next to me. It was crowded and the tables were close. The two couples chatted about general life stuff for the first ten minutes or so. Yes, …
Coming to a Close
It’s that time of year again; the time when things come to an end and we get to stop making school lunches. Ah. Sweet summertime.
By the middle of May, we are all pining for lazy days, swimming to take the place of showers, and no folders to sign. May is the most craziest month in all the land and by June, we can finally let our frazzled hair down and breath. By August, we are ready to ship our little hoodlums off to the Land of Oz that is their schools welcoming schedules and responsibility like welcoming in someone to clean your house. By August, we are begging teachers to come back from the throws of summer retirement longing for the days where we can entrust someone else with the responsibility of telling our little ones to stop picking on their brother.
Isn’t it funny how we long for change and we don’t even realize it? We stay in the school zone for too long and we may all lose our minds. By May, everyone needs a break: the teachers are done, students are exhausted, bus drivers done-zo, and parents, well, parents are beyond done with the organizing, signing, projects, late night runs to the craft store, and the basic responsibilities that comes with parenting kids through school. We welcome the change that summer brings sometimes pleading for the days of sleeping in to get here faster. August rolls around and there we are again putting in that change request to our schedules.
We were built for change. God designed our souls to get antsy. Just look at the seasons. In Texas, you will find pumpkins on porches in September. Christmas trees go up the weekend before Thanksgiving (be still my soul). We like change…when it’s expected.
“He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding” Daniel 2:21
Why is it that while our souls long for change, we fight it at all costs? Sure, we like the change we can see coming like the end of a school year. But, you give us a more challenging change like moving to a new area or switching careers and we crumble. At least I do. I like to know what’s coming; what to expect. I like my lists. I am a planner at heart even though my life is full of unplanned spontaneity. My soul nudges me into change constantly. And if it’s not my soul, it’s my husband. I will never forget bawling my eyes out while sitting on our tiny kitchen counter in our even tinier apartment when he told me we’d probably have to move out of state to buy a house because California real-estate was ridiculous. We hadn’t even committed to anything and yet, I was a wreck at the idea of change. We ended up staying in California for another four years.
We were created for change. God did not wire us to be stagnant. In order for us to change, grow, mature, and have faith we’d need some type of change in our lives. However, we are the strongest army of resistance when change even tries to breech our shore.
I think when I realize I am perfectly wired for change, that the Creator made me that way, I can accept the change a little easier when it comes my way. I was meant for change. I was designed for change. Life is boring without change. I don’t grow. I lack maturity. My faith dwindles. Change is good for the soul; difficult but good. When the expected changes come, when I celebrate the last day of school with a cannon ball, I will use that as a reminder that God is the master conductor of change and I was built for this.
“While the earth remains, seed-time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.” Genesis 8:22
Love & Blessings,
Meg
Miscarriage Series Wrap-Up: The Fish Five
I wanted to wrap-up my series on miscarriage by telling our complete story. It’s always helpful to get the whole story instead of just bits and pieces. My husband and I were married for almost four years before we started trying to have a baby. …
Lightning, Thunderstorms, oh…Revelation???
FLASHBACK POST: …a continuation of my series on miscarriage. This entry is vulnerable, real, and raw. The dead of night is always the hardest when you are going through something tough. It is when you are completely alone in your feelings. I remember this night …
On My Knees
FLASHBACK POST:
Lately, I have realized that I need to share what brought me into the blogging world: my story. My original blog (hello, MySpace) was a place where I recorded milestones and triumphs of our first born and our adventures in a new town. And then it happened: miscarriage. I felt trapped. I needed an outlet and that became writing and sharing my story. I have read and heard three stories of miscarriage this week. At the same time, I was able to celebrate the announcement of a healthy pregnancy of a friend who has been trying for 12 years. It’s time I revisit my story. Not to hurt again or throw it in the face of others that my story worked out. But instead, to unify us through our stories; to empower us and heal us by sharing the deepest of our hurts. I do not have answers to your questions of “why.” What I do have is hope. I always had hope even in my darkest times because I had Jesus. I hope this week helps you feel less alone and fills you with hope and peace in the midst of your despair. I am praying for you and loving on you even though I may not know your name. So is He and He does know your name. Rest in that.
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“I realized I wanted to see the whole body moving instead of just doing my part. I wanted to know the ins and outs of what I was affecting, and a little diagram of potential issues headed my way would be awesome. I wanted the scientist’s view. I wasn’t given that, and it wasn’t by accident.” Angie Smith
I was on my knees in Grady’s room crying harder than I probably ever have begging our great Lord for my precious boy. You see, I had been through two miscarriages, one being at the end of the first trimester with a baby that had Downs. Grady’s room sat empty and I desperately wanted it filled. I knew deep down in my heart that Jackson was meant to be a big brother and not an only child but after the way things were going, that looked bleak. I begged and cried and begged some more. I am sure I promised God the moon too. God did eventually bless us with Grady and then blew our socks off with Wyatt; our bonus baby that we weren’t planning on but now know we needed him to complete our family.
At the moment of my despair as I was crying over two lost pregnancies and desiring a sibling for Jack, I wish I could have had that diagram Angie talks about. I want to know what’s around the corner and that my prayers have meaning and an effect. Even though I believe with all of my heart and my very being that God absolutely heard me that day on my knees in Grady’s room, I do not think my begging, crying, and promising my everything gave me Grady. I know God designed my family well before I even knew who He was. Wyatt taught me this. Scott and I were done having kids after Grady. Literally, a month after having the conversation that two boys was plenty, I got pregnant. This, after all the issues I had trying to have Grady. God knew. He had our family perfectly designed regardless of my plans or prayers. His will.
My friend and I are doing a book study of Angie Smith’s, Chasing God. The chapter we just went through was on prayer. We had an incredible conversation about how all the begging in the world will not change God’s mind. That was a blow to Michelle and I. Not because we think we are all powerful and want to control God. No. We want to know that our prayers matter. And you know what? They do. Prayer brings us closer to the one who Created us. Prayers give us peace and hope, joy and comfort. God has a design, a perfect will, for our lives where everything is working together to create a perfect and beautiful story for our lives. Prayer connects us to that story.
“Delight yourselves in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
For years I misunderstood Psalm 37:4. I thought if I walked with the Lord and lived for Him He would give me what I desired. I have a different perspective on this verse now. I believe that as I grow closer to God my desires become His desires. I feel the same way with prayer. Jesus even prayed to the Father about how he really felt about the dying on the cross BUT he didn’t stop there. He prayed that the Father’s WILL be done. Not Jesus’ desires but the Father’s will. I believe whole-heartedly that God brings specific people in our lives to prayer over us. I also believe He fills our hearts with desires and what to pray. Do I think He controls us? Absolutely not. He gave us free will for a reason. He did, however, give us the Holy Spirit to guide us in our lives and that’s exactly what I believe happens in our prayers. The Holy Spirit is present and active when we pray.
So, what now? What does this mean for my prayer life? Angie Smith says this, “What I have been given is the ability to take in and give out. I don’t really understand the way it distributes itself throughout the body, or how it comes back to me, but it doesn’t keep me from doing what He made be to do. And it doesn’t make me insignificant. It just means I’m not always in a position to see or feel my significance, so I choose to defer to the One who does.” <i>Chasing God</i>
I will pray and believe great and mighty things from a great and mighty God. I will tap into the power of the Holy Spirit when I pray. I will ask God to transform my desires to His because they are better anyway (Wyatt is a prime example of His plan being better than mine). I will pray to grow closer to Him and commune with Him. I will walk along the way and talk with Him through my prayers about silly stuff. And I will continue praying miracle prayers as I am doing for someone I love right now. He places burdens on our heart to pray for, don’t ignore it. Instead, pray believing doing your part, my part, and letting Him worry about His.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
My Whole Life. My Whole World.
FLASHBACK FRIDAY: A Post on Motherhood to Celebrate All The Mamas Out There Ten years ago my husband and I loaded everything we owned into a moving van. We strapped our 15-month old into his car seat and headed 3,000 miles east to plant new …