Finding Faith in the Mess
I was sitting at Starbucks typing away and doing some research when a party of four sat down next to me. It was crowded and the tables were close. The two couples chatted about general life stuff for the first ten minutes or so. Yes, …
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13
They are not responsible for my joy. No one is, really. My joy does not lie in the hands of my children. Seems rational, right? However, I think so many of us make our joy the responsibility of our children; especially is moms.
So often the tone of my day is wrapped up in three loud and smelly little beings. I have given them full control over the outcome of my day and my feelings. Placing the weight of this responsibility on their shoulders is to heavy and too much; a burden they were never meant to carry. I am also handing over far too much power over my life and my emotions to my children.
What on earth am I thinking?
We carry a lot as moms. We wear worry like it is the newest and greatest fashion trend. Anything that shifts out of our control stumps us and sets us on edge. A kid is challenging naps? We lose it because we, too, are exhausted and need a nap. Another child is struggling with behavior at school? We blame ourselves and pick up the extraordinary weight of guilt that we aren’t parenting right. So much is swirling around us in a day that it is incredible we even survive. So much is wrapped up in our kids, why not lay our emotions there, too.
We did not have our best break over Christmas. Sure, we had some amazing moments together. We laughed and played and rested. We also had moments of stress, fighting, disrespect, and chaos. That’s parenting. You teeter on perfection and complete disorder all at the same time.
I was so exhausted and frustrated one day that I truly thought I was going to break. I could not take one more moment of bickering, not one more inquiry for snacks, and if I had to pick up socks from some random location one more time my head may explode. I did what all moms do, and text a fellow warrior. I asked this mama and friend to pray form me because I was wondering if I would survive motherhood at all. It wasn’t until I reached out to that friend that I realized I was placing the responsibility for my joy in the hands of my children.
My boys do not get to determine the outcome of my day or my emotional well-being. Do my kids bring me joy? Absolutely! But, they are not the source of my joy.
They source of my joy can only come from one place: the Lord. When I look to my kids, or my husband, friends, or life circumstances to find the source of my joy I wind up empty, depleted, and disappointed. It is only the joy that comes from the Lord that sustains. That is why Paul can say that he counts it all joy when he faces trials of any kind in James 1:2. He knew the source of his joy and that it did not rest in anything outside of God.
The moment I took the responsibility away from my boys to bring me joy and rerouted my joy-focus back to the Lord, I felt a million pounds lifted from my shoulders and theirs. Now, I could enjoy my boys more because they were no longer the source of my joy. When they do what kids do like argue, disobey, or leave their snack wrappers stuffed in between the couch cushions I don’t freak out. I remember that they are being exactly who they are (KIDS) and that their job isn’t to bring me emotional stability. Their job is to be a kid learning their way in this big wide world and I am their guide.
I changed. We think it is our children that need to change when, in actuality, it us that needs the change. And you know what? Once I realized this and took action, my kids changed, too. No longer did they feel the pressure to make mommy happy. All they had to do was be a kid and I got to be their mom. How freeing!
Romans 15:13 says it all. God fills me with joy. God. Not my kids. Not my husband. Not my friends. Not the look of my home or whether or not we take a vacation this year. My joy rests in Him and Him alone.
Rendering that control back to the Lord, where it should have been all this time, was so healing and so very freeing. God is my Sustainer. So, when life looks like pandemonium (because it will whether the kids are home or not), I can still have joy because it comes from an endless Source.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
I didn’t want to tell this story. It seems a little cliche to write about how God showed up in a traumatic event. It’s like when a message is given at church and then we sing that perfect tear-jerker song after that message. It just …
I went to the gym like I do most weekday mornings. I came home with an agenda to attack my new website with a vengeance. I got home, talked to the husband about helping me (he is my built-in tech support), and had a game plan in my crazy brain. I sat down to work and had a question almost instantly. My tech-support, I mean, husband, came in and looked over my shoulder. I asked him why he was standing. He didn’t realize that he needed to make himself cozy. He was going to be there awhile.
We began working hitting some road blocks along the way. There was one point when we really got stumped and, surprise surprise, I cried. The hubs told me to take a break but I needed to push through. We got through the issue and found a good stopping point. My tech support was going to look into some things and I really did need a break.
I told myself all I was going to do that day was workout and work on the website. But when frustration crept in, I reverted back to my safe space: cleaning. It sounds funny but cleaning and organizing are a comforting place for me. They hold this space in my life because they bring me a sense of control. When things get heavy, hard, sad, confusing, anxious, or in any way out of control, I clean or organize. This time, I was coming after the Christmas decorations.
I literally broke my back cleaning up Christmas just so I could feel like I had a little control over my life. Creating a website is like learning a foreign language. I just want to know how to do it. Learning a new technical system is not my strong suit. Add on top of this my personal connection to the project, my passion and something I care deeply about, you get a mess of a girl. So, I took matters into my own hands and brought a little control back to my life.
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6
Do you ever do this in your life? You feel anxious or sad or out of control so you turn to something to help you cope. Control is my vice. I don’t know what your vice is, but God does. He knows what you need when you feel like the walls are crumbling in around you. This is comforting news. So is Philippians 1:6. God is working in and through us and his work is good. We are not complete until the day we enter eternity. Our life is a journey and our destination is Heaven. He is working in us constantly: even in those moments when we feel out of control. No need for a vice. We have Him.
What are you avoiding today? What are you running from and what are you turning to instead? You see, the thing that is causing you angst will never go away no matter how hard you scrub the floors. It will be there until you face it and work it out. You will not gain freedom from the thing that frustrates you or confuses you or drops you to your knees in tears until you walk that road. As much as you feel out of control in that area, he is working in and through you guiding you to the other side. You only need to take his hand.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
I never set out to be a writer. When I was younger, like many girls, I thought I would be discovered and become a famous actress. As I entered college, I headed down the track to become a psychologist. I quickly determined the cost and …
