They’re Not Responsible
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13
They are not responsible for my joy. No one is, really. My joy does not lie in the hands of my children. Seems rational, right? However, I think so many of us make our joy the responsibility of our children; especially is moms.
So often the tone of my day is wrapped up in three loud and smelly little beings. I have given them full control over the outcome of my day and my feelings. Placing the weight of this responsibility on their shoulders is to heavy and too much; a burden they were never meant to carry. I am also handing over far too much power over my life and my emotions to my children.
What on earth am I thinking?
We carry a lot as moms. We wear worry like it is the newest and greatest fashion trend. Anything that shifts out of our control stumps us and sets us on edge. A kid is challenging naps? We lose it because we, too, are exhausted and need a nap. Another child is struggling with behavior at school? We blame ourselves and pick up the extraordinary weight of guilt that we aren’t parenting right. So much is swirling around us in a day that it is incredible we even survive. So much is wrapped up in our kids, why not lay our emotions there, too.
We did not have our best break over Christmas. Sure, we had some amazing moments together. We laughed and played and rested. We also had moments of stress, fighting, disrespect, and chaos. That’s parenting. You teeter on perfection and complete disorder all at the same time.
I was so exhausted and frustrated one day that I truly thought I was going to break. I could not take one more moment of bickering, not one more inquiry for snacks, and if I had to pick up socks from some random location one more time my head may explode. I did what all moms do, and text a fellow warrior. I asked this mama and friend to pray form me because I was wondering if I would survive motherhood at all. It wasn’t until I reached out to that friend that I realized I was placing the responsibility for my joy in the hands of my children.
My boys do not get to determine the outcome of my day or my emotional well-being. Do my kids bring me joy? Absolutely! But, they are not the source of my joy.
They source of my joy can only come from one place: the Lord. When I look to my kids, or my husband, friends, or life circumstances to find the source of my joy I wind up empty, depleted, and disappointed. It is only the joy that comes from the Lord that sustains. That is why Paul can say that he counts it all joy when he faces trials of any kind in James 1:2. He knew the source of his joy and that it did not rest in anything outside of God.
The moment I took the responsibility away from my boys to bring me joy and rerouted my joy-focus back to the Lord, I felt a million pounds lifted from my shoulders and theirs. Now, I could enjoy my boys more because they were no longer the source of my joy. When they do what kids do like argue, disobey, or leave their snack wrappers stuffed in between the couch cushions I don’t freak out. I remember that they are being exactly who they are (KIDS) and that their job isn’t to bring me emotional stability. Their job is to be a kid learning their way in this big wide world and I am their guide.
I changed. We think it is our children that need to change when, in actuality, it us that needs the change. And you know what? Once I realized this and took action, my kids changed, too. No longer did they feel the pressure to make mommy happy. All they had to do was be a kid and I got to be their mom. How freeing!
Romans 15:13 says it all. God fills me with joy. God. Not my kids. Not my husband. Not my friends. Not the look of my home or whether or not we take a vacation this year. My joy rests in Him and Him alone.
Rendering that control back to the Lord, where it should have been all this time, was so healing and so very freeing. God is my Sustainer. So, when life looks like pandemonium (because it will whether the kids are home or not), I can still have joy because it comes from an endless Source.
Love & Blessings,
Meg