Finding Faith in the Mess
When my middle guy was three, he said it couldn’t be Christmas unless it snowed. Anytime we talked about the impending holiday, he would tell us in his sweet little voice that it absolutely not come until it snowed. Guess what? It snowed that year. …
I was sitting at Starbucks typing away and doing some research when a party of four sat down next to me. It was crowded and the tables were close. The two couples chatted about general life stuff for the first ten minutes or so. Yes, I was eves-dropping. Like I said, they were sitting VERY close. The conversation then turned serious. One of the men needed to talk through some junk that was happening at their church. He began expressing concern about how the church was using their finances and how the pastoral staff was leading the congregation. The discussion continued and I had to leave. I didn’t hear how they handled their issues or if they came to any resolution. I’ve heard many church conversations before: the church hurt someone, ignored someone, back-stabbed another, didn’t meet the needs for a particular person, and so on. This little church debate in Starbucks got my mind spinning: What is the role of the church anyway?
I first went to church with a friend in high school. My parents were not church-goers so it was just me. I invited my dad to join me once and warned him about the weird hand raising that occurred during worship. I was worried he’d think I was part of some strange cult and yank me out of there. Thankfully, he wasn’t as weirded out as I thought he’d be. He stayed and eventually found his own hand-raising church.
Church can be weird. Church can be messy and ugly full of feelings of disgust and hate. Church can bring out the very best and the very worst in people. Church unites and divides. Church breaks us down and builds us up. Church can be very powerful yet ineffective; prideful yet humble. Church can alienate. Church can help someone feel like they are finally loved. Church is many things to many people.
What was the intention behind church? Did God create church? What was His vision?
“So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
“Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” Ephesians 4:11-16 (emphasis mine)
If I look into God’s Word and study His vision for fellowship and His church, I see a place where people are nurtured and loved in such a way that they radiate the light of Jesus. Church is not a denomination. Church is not a building. Church is not a set of rules that will get you into Heaven. Church is not an experience. Church is a place where people come together in all their mess united for Christ purposefully building one another up in love for the Kingdom.
There are ideologies out there that require rituals in order to gain Christ’s acceptance and church membership. Some churches create by-laws for by-laws that must be followed or you’re out. Some places of worship close their doors on those that are different, dirty, poor, addicted, royally messed up. This is not church.
Our churches are being led by worn-out underpaid servants who love so deeply they have a tendency to run themselves into the ground for the betterment of the congregation. The same people tend to volunteer week after week. Mercy and grace are needed and deserved, but rarely felt. We know deep down that our souls long for something like church, but we don’t know how to let go and get to that place. Walking into a building in which vulnerability is almost a requirement frightens us. But, it is so needed. We were created for connection.
Don’t give up on church. God knew we’d need each other, thus, He created the church. Let’s not forsake the art of gathering with one another to learn from each other, challenge one another, forgive first, give grace no matter what, be kind, and give rest. Let us create a space where vulnerability is celebrated and not scary; where love and grace are endless. Unity does not mean sameness. It means power in the differences. Let’s bring our differences to the one place they have the most value: church and build His kingdom on Earth as it is in Heaven. Amen.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
I wanted to wrap-up my series on miscarriage by telling our complete story. It’s always helpful to get the whole story instead of just bits and pieces. My husband and I were married for almost four years before we started trying to have a baby. …
Flashback Post: A Continuation of the Miscarriage Series I wrote this post when I was twelve weeks pregnant with our middle son. At this point, I had had two miscarriages. I also thought I lost him. I had some complications at 12 weeks that lasted …
FLASHBACK POST: …a continuation of my series on miscarriage.
This entry is vulnerable, real, and raw. The dead of night is always the hardest when you are going through something tough. It is when you are completely alone in your feelings. I remember this night like it was yesterday. While it was difficult, it was also so very sweet. The time I had with the Lord during this trial is something I envy now. I wanted you, dear reader, to know that in the dead of night when it hurts so deep you don’t think you will pull out of it, you are not alone.
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I went to bed last night defeated. I wept myself to sleep praying to God. I am overwhelmed. I don’t know what to say or pray. I begin asking God the “why’s.” Why am I still going through the physical aspects of a miscarriage? It’s been almost a month. Why was my uncle taken so quickly from my aunt and his children? They were supposed to grow old traveling together and enjoying one another. Why are my best friends being put through the trial of their life with no answers? Why does their sweet baby boy who is a perfect angel have to endure this? Why are our friends in California enduring a trial that has lasted more than two years? Why God? Why? To top it all off, I was exhausted and Jackson would not go down. Scott and I tried for over two hours to get the little guy down but he would cry so hard he made himself sick. So, he ended up in our bed. Although this usually is a blessing, I know I am not going to get the much needed rest I longed for because I would have toddler toes stuck in my ribs all night. I did, however, finally fall asleep around midnight.
Two hours later I was awakened by one of our loudest thunderstorms yet. With lightning flashing all around illuminating our room and thunder booming viciously, I begin to sense God’s power. I have always had a fear of thunderstorms from the time I can remember. I don’t know why. My heart was racing at first, and then I was calmed. I realized that God is all powerful. He is in control. He showed me His power last night as the hail came plummeting down and the rain poured out of the clouds so fast that I thought the water was going to break through our roof. However, I was not afraid. I basked in God’s power.
I thought about all the trials that are in and around me. They reminded me of this storm; a violent turn in all our lives that we don’t understand. As the storm kept on ferociously I began to think about our trials and how excruciatingly painful they are; how bad they hurt. Like the storm, they twist and turn in us and seem like they are never going to end. Then, there is silence. The storm just stops. The house is quiet; still. “Be still and know that I am God.”(Psalm 46:10) He will quiet the storm. He always does even when it seems like it will never end. The clouds will roll back and the sun will shine. Our trials, too, will fade. And we will see His glory and sense that refreshing clean smell that comes after a good hard rain.
So, what did I learn. I learned that the storm is hard right now. But, even in the midst of the chaos of lightning flashes and thunder rolling, He is still near. He is powerful and shall overcome the burden(s) that are so deep. I fought having Jackson in our bed last night. I wanted to drown my sorrows in a meaningless TV show and then fall asleep. But God knew better. He knew that I’d want my baby next to me when the storm hit. He knew I’d be blessed at 2am to have my muchkin breathing sweetly in my ear as the thunder rolled. He knew. I fought. In the end He won and I was blessed. This is my revelation.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
FLASHBACK POST: Lately, I have realized that I need to share what brought me into the blogging world: my story. My original blog (hello, MySpace) was a place where I recorded milestones and triumphs of our first born and our adventures in a new town. …
Are we getting in the way of the Church? If you study any type of church history, you will find that it is and has always been messy. People are involved. People are complicated. If people are complicated and people are what make up the …
Have you ever felt like life is a black hole? Life is so hard and seems so dark that it is going to swallow you up. We beg and plead with God in our prayers only to hear nothing from him. We feel lost, alone, and weary.
I am the light of the world. John 8:12
When we are in distress, when life feels like it is closing in on us and we are all alone, we begin to look for the spotlight. We desperately want God to show up in a might way; like the boom of a firework. We are searching and searching for this brightness that never seems to come.
His light isn’t always a spotlight. Sometimes, it’s just a slight shift.
When God illuminates a dark place, he doesn’t always use a spotlight. Sometimes, oftentimes, he slightly shifts the shadows. We don’t see a huge impact, so we miss it. We miss his light. We want full immediate healing and instead, he gives us one small moment of peace. We are searching for relief, yet he gives us the strength to take one step and one step only. We continue to feel like we are drowning not recognizing that these small things are the Light that is illuminating our path towards healing.
There is hope in the small shift of light. We just have to stop pining for the spotlight in order to see it.
We are losing our hope because we are looking for the spotlight instead of seeing the Light. Sometimes, we are afraid of the Light believing that It’s only purpose is to illuminate sin and wrong-doing. We forget that the Light is full of hope, grace, and mercy. The Light illuminates our path towards healing and wholeness.
Are you looking for the spotlight today missing the true Light? Are you afraid to step out of the shadows because you have convinced yourself that the Light is a scary place? I am here to tell you that the Light is a place of rest and restoration. The Light shines at all times. There is hope in the slight shift of the shadows. Open yourself up to notice when that shadow shifts. There’s hope in that space.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
