Finding Faith in the Mess
Peter. Let’s talk about this guy. Peter was in the inner circle with Jesus. He hung with the crew that eventually changed the world. A group of misfits bound together by a king; a king that looked nothing like royalty. Can I be honest? Peter …
W hen Jackson was a baby, I would hop into my car on my lunch break and rush to his day care to see him. I had thirty minutes with my baby and I needed every last second. I was a mess of a new mom and had a really hard time leaving him everyday. I was caught in the conundrum of loving teaching with all that I was and loving being a mom desperately wanting to stay home.
I established a neat relationship with Jack’s care-takers. They were a little older than me and much wiser. They will never fully know how appreciative I am for their advice and comfort during those beginning moments as a mama. When I decided to leave my teaching career and move halfway across the country to do so, they gave me a piece of advice that I didn’t take seriously initially but now hold dear. They told me I had to find something for me. They watched me finish my master’s that year and knew I was the type that needed to be doing. They recognized that I was about to enter a season where I had to hold onto myself or I would get lost. I told you they were wise.
It took me awhile to find myself when we got to Texas. I got myself involved in a lot of mommy and me activities, but didn’t necessarily do much just for me. I loved my time with my mom friends and I did do StrollerFit (you workout with your baby in the mall) which met a need for me while still giving my undivided attention to my little bundle in the stroller. I was preoccupied with momming and having babies and did get lost for a moment. It wasn’t until I jumped on my blog to write about miscarriage did I really find myself like those wise women suggested I do from the start.
I started my blog when MySpace was popular. I just aged myself. Do y’all remember MySpace. Ha. I laugh just thinking about it. I wonder if we are ever going to laugh about Facebook or Instagram the way we do about MySpace. Anyway, I digress. I would post on my blog about milestones and memories we were making as we were adjusting to our new life in Texas. When we decided to try for kid number two, we faced some complications. Once we had our second miscarriage, I fell and I fell hard. It was tough. There were times I didn’t want to do anything. I was just so sad. I will never forget the day I decided to get out of bed and write.
It was cool out; one of those days where winter was changing to spring. The mornings felt like winter but the afternoons ushered in a refreshing taste of the warmth of spring. I walked into Scott’s office, opened the computer, and began to type. I had to get the feelings out. I needed release. And so, I told my story. I was honest, vulnerable, real, and raw. It was terrifying and freeing all in the same moment. I bawled as I typed.
That was the moment I finally listened to those wise women and found myself. I did something for me. I found my identity outside of wife and stay-at-home-mom. It was liberating and empowering and I will never forget it.
I write this to encourage you; yes, YOU. There is something inside you begging to get out. Something in the depths of your soul that we all need. You have an identity outside of wife, mom, career woman, student, sister, daughter, and friend. Something is calling you but something is holding you back. Don’t let it. Find you. You are equipped to do this. All you need to do is start. It may not be writing. It could be painting, selling something, cooking, anything. What is calling you? You look at the caller ID and push decline too afraid to answer. Do it.
Find yourself. Your heart and soul need it. So do the people around you. I am a better person because I took the risk and pushed past my fears to follow my calling. You will be, too. It just takes one step. Don’t worry about the next step. It will come.
Find you.
Let her out.
You will come alive.
Who knows what’s out there.
Your adventure is waiting for you.
“Today is the day. Your mountain is waiting so be on your way.”
Love & Blessings,
Meg
The moment they uttered those words I thought of Jesus. In the middle of an Avengers movie, I thought about my faith.
Do you ever get in your own way? I do. Doubts. Fears. Insecurities. Listening to the wrong voices. Listening to my own voice. I get in my way and it is time I step aside.
My boys are about to all bump up a year. We are heading into birthday season. But, right now they are six, seven, and ten. They have gone to church since they were in my belly. They know who Jesus is and what he did for us. My biggest concern, I think I can speak for both my husband and I on this, is that our children’s faith will be because of mom and dad and not their own. I think I fear this more than I fear them walking away from God all together. I want Jesus to be real to them. I want them to feel him in their guts. I knew this movie would be a stepping stone to get them there.
Let me start by saying that I was somewhat terrified that I may scar my children for life by showing them such a graphic film. That, or they will have nightmares for forever. I was apprehensive and held my breath during certain scenes. But, let me just tell you, if you want Good Friday to be real to you, watch this film through the eyes of your children.
I had one kiddo fall asleep almost instantly. I need to give this kid some grace though. We were all up extremely late due to a sleepover last night and the boys woke up this morning before the rooster crows. I am surprised any of us lasted past 6pm tonight.
Another child, my thinker, watched and was not horrified. Instead, he accepted what Jesus did almost in a way of completely understanding the fact that this absolutely had to happen to dissolve us all of our sins. Like, he completely got it on an academic and theological level (totally his dad). I do think his seeing Jesus’ body tattered and torn will be forever etched in his memory, just in a different way than maybe I see it. And you know what? That is the most incredible thing to me because its HIS.
My last boy lost it. And when I say lost it, I mean he was sobbing uncontrollably at parts. Full body convulsions with guttural sobs (this is his mama in him). Watching Jesus being beaten and hung on the cross absolutely wrecked this kid. My heart was ripped right out of my chest. Watching him come to the realization of the gravity of what his Savior did for him because he loved him that much was the most gut-wrenching yet overwhelmingly amazing moment. Seriously. Besides my own salvation, marrying my husband, and birthing my children, this moment is one of the most sacred moments of my life.
I didn’t know what I’d get showing my boys this movie but I am glad I did. Good Friday never looked so sacred before in my life. I have fasted on Good Friday, gone to church, spent time in the Bible and in prayer but nothing has compared to watching my children see their Savior do what he did for them, for me, for you.
I wonder if this is what Jesus feels when we finally wrap our heads around the magnitude of what he did for us; what we can wrap our little human minds around anyway. I honestly believe our children teach us more about faith than most things. Tonight was no different. I go to bed feeling completely wrecked but so very whole all at the same time.
Oh, how I pray that my boys’ faith doesn’t stop in this moment. Rather, I pray it’s a catalyst for a deep and wide faith relationship with their precious Savior who loved them so much that he was ravaged for them. I pray that they may find an exorbitant amount of hope knowing they weren’t meant to live in Friday: that they may relish in knowing Sunday’s coming.
I pray this for you, too. That if you don’t know a Savior that loves you so much he would give his life for you, that you may find him. I pray for those searching to find the One who seeks and saves the lost. I pray that Jesus may be so very real to all of us and that Easter is every day not just once a year.
Sunday’s Coming.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
I want to take a bull horn into every congregation and tell everyone that it is okay to stop being silent. It’s okay to step into difficult conversations. It’s okay to dig deeper into what you believe. It’s okay to listen. It’s okay to love. Loving others isn’t scary. It doesn’t say that you affirm every single thing they do. It says you care. It shows you value their humanity. That’s Jesus.
Are you a follower or are you following? Too many of us are looking for public affection to heal us on the inside. We long for likes and follows to fill our cup. Instead, we are left empty and hopeless. It is no wonder half of us feel lonely. We are trying to find our confidence in the wrong place.
I was in spin class trying to distract myself. The TV was on and flashed a statistic about loneliness. The stat showed that half of those my age and younger considered themselves lonely. Half. Half of the people 40ish and under feel lonely. In a world more connected than ever before, this stat astonished me.
I know we have an epidemic in our country: an epidemic of loneliness, depression, and the lot of mental health. I guess I didn’t realize this many people, however, felt lonely. And not just lonely here and there. Lonely all the time.
I wonder if our loneliness isn’t bad. Let me explain. We are programmed to think that everyone is with someone all the time. We feel connected with people when we are looking at our phones but the moment we put them down and look up, we realize we are alone. We have grown accustomed to always having someone around. A need has developed and I am curious if that need is unnecessary.
Luke tells us in chapter five of the book with his name that Jesus withdrew often to be alone. (https://biblehub.com/luke/5-16.htm ) Being alone was a gift for Jesus. Why can’t it be a gift for us?
Loneliness isn’t always a bad thing. Loneliness can be a gift. How can you, how can I, relearn that loneliness (being alone) isn’t always a bad thing.
One of the best things I started doing recently was turning everything off. When I’m in the car, I turn the radio off. When I find myself home alone, I don’t turn on music, a podcast, or the TV. Let me tell you that the silence, while deafening at first, has become a place of rest and reprieve from a very loud world. It rejuvenates and energizes me lowering the anxiety.
I think it is time we relearn how to be alone. Jesus saw the value in removing himself from the crowd. So should we.
Take some time today to be alone. I bet you won’t find loneliness to be such a bad thing.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
Are you happy? If so, where do you find your happiness? If not, what is preventing you from being happy? True happiness does not lie in life circumstances. No. Happiness is found in something so much greater.
