FLASHBACK POST

I wrote this post a year ago when I turned 39. I have loved my thirties but I am ready to move on to the next chapter. I must say, I stuck to my mission for my year of 39: to be stronger and healthier mentally, physically, and spiritually than I have ever been, to free myself from all the things that chained me down, and to go after the dreams God has set within me. I am proud of myself (and you should be, too, when you succeed) for staying motivated and pushing through. It hasn’t always been easy but it has definitely been worth it!

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I turned 39 in May. My last year in my thirties. I have absolutely loved my thirties. I feel I have found myself here. I have learned what matters and what I can leave behind. I have discovered the true meaning of friendship and holding tight to that tribe that wants to be in my life. I have grown more deeply in love with my husband and enjoyed watching my boys come into their own. I am going to mourn my thirties when they finally pass. Not because I am fearful of aging. Rather, I am going to mourn that season that was so deep, so wide, and so good.

I am looking forward to my forties. I have friends who have crossed over and I am witnessing such freedom in their lives. I still long for that freedom in some areas. Just because I learned a great deal about myself in my thirties does not mean that I don’t have much to learn still. One thing I am learning is how to treat myself. For so long, my focus and emphasis on my physical health was how I looked on the outside. If I am thin enough on the exterior, than that must mean that I am healthy on the interior. What I have found is, this is not true.

I took my boxing gloves and wraps off and threw them on the ground. I was beat down from an extraordinary workout on the bag and still reeling in leg pain from my workout the day before. But, my workout was not over. I was only halfway done. I still had push-ups with my feet on the ball, battle ropes, up-downs in plank, and step-up repeaters. I thought I may die (or throw-up), but I persevered and pushed through. I didn’t do this because I think I am tough. Quite the opposite, actually. I am weak.

‘But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’

2 Corinthians 9-10

When I looked down at my gloves on the floor, I wanted to quit. I had gotten a good workout in. Why did I need to stay? I felt weak but knew deep down that I am stronger than what my head was telling me. I am not stronger within myself. I am stronger because of Him.

I have decided that this is the year of strong. I no longer look to my outsides to determine the health of my insides. I stand confident in my strength because I know where my strength comes from. And when I feel weak and like I should quit, that’s when I am at my strongest because I have to dig deep to find it.

Knowing I can complete a workout, feel good, and not pass out means far more to me than the number on the scale. How I feel on the inside about myself far outweighs how I look on the outside. This year, as I leave my thirties and enter my forties, I want to be physically stronger than I have ever been. I want to tackle those hand-stand push-ups like a boss and beat the boys on our laps. And when all is said and done and I am a sweaty mess, I will confidently know the One who pushed me through.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.” Psalm 28:7

Love & Blessings,
Meg