Thorny People
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith …
Tag: Jesus
Summer of Independence
I have some goals this summer. Like, get my kids to make themselves breakfast and tie their shoes. I want them to be able to man themselves for more than 2.5 seconds without Mama Camp Counselor calling the shots. I created three of you. Three …
The Chase
‘As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”’ Luke 10:38-42
My eight year old and I were in the car. We had a long drive and he had a lot of words. One topic of conversation was Moses. I am not sure how we got there, he just started talking about the golden calf (Don’t ask me how he knows these things. He is smarter than all of us combined. I am certain he is plotting world domination in his young mind.). I explained to him that the golden calf was an idol. He asked me what an idol was and I gave him the definition. He responded by letting me know that he didn’t have any idols. I countered with the fact that while our idols may not look like a giant golden calf, we all have them.
God is stripping me of my idols. Ugh. It is the worst. Seriously. You think you are doing right and good and the next thing you know, some crazy idol is staring you in the face reminding you of your flaws.
I chase perfection. I am well-aware that perfection is unattainable, but that doesn’t stop me. I did about eighty things before I sat down to write today because I have this yearning in my soul to have everything in its place before I can do anything else. I am not quite OCD, but pretty close.
Yesterday was tough. We got home from a trip and had some things to do. Summer came on us quick after the busiest May of all my life. Add a house flood on top of it all, and our home life was fairly chaotic. Being a perfection-chaser, I do not thrive well in chaos. So, I got out my Sharpee and poster board and made the boys and I a beautiful list. We had things to do and I had a master plan.
You know what happens with a to-do list and kids? Chaos and nothing. As a mom, you find the lunatic that resides within when you give your children a list of chores. Even if your kids are perfect, you give them a to-do list and all of a sudden they become incapable of life.
I had my own list to conquer. I probably put more on that list than I could accomplish in one day, but I was determined; chasing perfection amidst the chaos.
My boys are old enough to do the things without me babysitting them. Or, so I thought. For the most part, they worked and did the things. But, then there were those moments when I had to stop what I was doing to answer questions that, in my mind, they should have been able to answer. There were also the moments when they were making a bigger disaster trying to “help.” So, I had to take over. Eight hours later and I was done. Completely wiped and exhausted. There was nothing left in me.
As I was working and prodding the kids to do the things, I felt a frustration well-up inside. I am trying to create something for myself and I have absolutely no space to do it because my family cannot manage themselves without me doing all-the-things. Do you ever feel like that, mamas? If you don’t do it, it doesn’t get done. Or, it gets done incorrectly, so you end up redoing all the things.
I was outside pressure washing the patio. And, I was crying. This job was not mine to do, but I found myself in this space anyway. I was mad at God. And I told Him. (He can handle it.) I wanted to write not pressure wash. I needed to tend to the community I am trying to create, but, I was pressure washing. I was frustrated that while I feel He has placed this passion in my heart, He wasn’t creating space for me to pursue it. I was bogged down with the needs of our home and family with nothing left to give.
I was overwhelmed.
I wonder if that’s how Martha felt. She saw her sister sitting down just hanging out while she was doing all the things. No one was helping her and no one seemed to care that the meal was not done yet and the house not cleaned. What she valued did not seem to matter to them and that was infuriating. I can relate.
I wonder if Martha was like me: a chaser of perfection. It filled her soul to have everything in its place and the meal beautiful when having guests over. She felt accomplished and complete in doing these things. But, had they become an idol? Was she chasing perfection instead of chasing Jesus.
When I get to Heaven is God going to ask me if my house was in order, all the beds made? Or, is He going to ask me what I did with His Son? I know the answer. It’s Jesus. But, my soul longs for perfection.
I don’t think Jesus was calling Martha out telling her she was a horrible person for chasing perfection. I do think, however, that He was pointing out an idol in her life and letting her know that chasing perfection will never fill her soul. Only He can do that. And, Mary knew it. Mary knew that life happened at the feet of Jesus not in the kitchen. I know that, too.
My kids weren’t purposefully stuffing clothes and trash into various corners instead of putting them in the proper place. They were being kids. And me? Well, I was chasing perfection which led to frustration.
Taking care of our home and family is not a bad thing. It is a very good thing to serve the people God has entrusted me with. However, they can never take the place of Jesus. The moment they do is the moment they become an idol.
Idols are funny things. We don’t realize they are idols until we are slapped in the face with them. Like Wyatt, we think idols look like golden calves. When, in reality, they look like our phones, our jobs, our schedules, our kids, perfection.
There is time for the passion He has instilled in me. Plenty of time. I just need to lay my idols down. His passion for me takes precedence over beds made and toys picked up. Sitting at His feet through the ministry He has placed in my heart comes before an empty kitchen sink. Yesterday felt overwhelming because it was overwhelming. My priorities, while well-and-good, were listed in the wrong order. Because of this, I was beat down and wore out.
Martha wasn’t wrong in getting things just right for her guests. She just had her to-do list numbered wrong. I got my list wrong, too. I chase perfection and it is my idol. He is calling me to lay it down.
What are you chasing? That thing you have to have or have to do before you can do anything else? Like Martha, it may not be a bad thing. It just needs to be moved to a different number on the list.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
Take Me To Church
I was sitting at Starbucks typing away and doing some research when a party of four sat down next to me. It was crowded and the tables were close. The two couples chatted about general life stuff for the first ten minutes or so. Yes, …
Miscarriage Series Wrap-Up: The Fish Five
I wanted to wrap-up my series on miscarriage by telling our complete story. It’s always helpful to get the whole story instead of just bits and pieces. My husband and I were married for almost four years before we started trying to have a baby. …
Flashback Friday: Our Miracle
Flashback Post: A Continuation of the Miscarriage Series
I wrote this post when I was twelve weeks pregnant with our middle son. At this point, I had had two miscarriages. I also thought I lost him. I had some complications at 12 weeks that lasted until 20 weeks. This post is emotional, real, and raw. I express how I came to terms with all the questions of “why.” I read my words from over nine years ago and can still feel what I felt then. It was a gut-wrenching time in our lives. But God. God never left our sides. Even when I was angry with Him, He stood firm right next to me. When I was scared in that ER, He held me closer. My prayer in all these posts is that they show you that hope is never lost. You may have never experienced miscarriage and never will. You can still relate to this post. We have all been at a gut-wrenching place where we cry so hard we don’t think we will ever be able to stop. Hope still resides in those desperate moments. He hasn’t left your side. He is still there.
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“You are the God who performs miracles; You will display Your power among the peoples.” Psalm 77:14
Meet our miracle…and our secret. Yes, it is true. I am pregnant; about twelve weeks and a few days to be exact. We wanted to make sure this baby was healthy before announcing how great God has been to us! We have known about this precious little blessing for a little over two months and have eagerly awaited numerous sonogram and test results. We have witnessed God’s mighty, yet gentle, hand every Tuesday for the past five weeks. This baby is a fighter. However, the road is not “clear” quite yet. We met with the pareanatoligist today to do a sonogram and blood test to determine if there are any chromosomal abnormalities; specifically Downs, and Trisomy 13 and 18. Although the sonogram looked great and the doctor said we were in the “safe zone,” we are still waiting for blood test results. We will receive these in 5-7 business days. These results will hopefully confirm what the sono showed-no complications. Please be on your knees that this sweet child is as healthy and strong as it has appeared.
I must say that this pregnancy has been a journey of faith. Not only have I had to overcome worry, fear, and doubt, we’ve hit some bumps along the way. One major test of my faith came Sunday afternoon. I began cramping and bleeding. Scott and I rushed to the ER and after three and a half hours it was determined that I have a placental tear. There’s some fancy name for it but this is easier for me to say and spell. Anyway, the baby was fine, and still is fine. The tear typically does not affect the baby. We were reassured of this today when the doctor measured the tear and further encouraged us that it is okay and happens often in the first trimester. I was on pretty strict bed rest yesterday and now have just been told to take it easy. I am feeling fine and I promise I am resting although that is a hard “rule” for me to follow:) Even though this was a pretty big scare and I was nervous at times, I had an overarching sense of peace and serenity. That was God!
Now I need to be vulnerable and honest with all of you. As I go through this miraculous journey I have struggled with not saying anything or writing about it on my blog. My desire is that you see God in all of this; even those, ESPECIALLY those, who do not believe. Every Tuesday as Scott is praying for God’s will in our lives I am praying for a miracle and every Tuesday I have witnessed one. When we were in the ER Scott held my hand and he prayed for us. He asked me specifically what I wanted prayer for and I said a miracle. He responded in telling me that all he could pray for was God’s will. I respect him beyond words that he can so confidently pray and desire for God’s will to be done without truly knowing what the end result will entail. Meanwhile, however, I was praying for a miracle silently to myself. I was not pleading or begging. I was just asking God to show His mighty and merciful hand and that He still works miracles today. And you know what, He did just that. He performed a miracle Sunday night! There was NO way in my mind that the baby was alive and sure enough the baby was perfectly healthy! If that doesn’t help you to see God’s glory I don’t know what will!
Some of you who are still skeptical may ask, “If God still performs miracles and is as good as you say He is then why did you have to go through what you did? Why didn’t He save my other babies? Well, I can’t answer for God but I can tell you what I think. I needed to be taught. I had to learn something. I needed to be solely dependent on Him and know that I am really not in control and that is OKAY. Actually, it is better than okay. I’d rather have my Creator and merciful God be in control that crazy old me! Unfortunately I am stubborn and a visual/tangible learner. God HAD to get my attention in a mighty way. I will be forever grateful and indebted for what I’ve gone through in this past year for I am not the same person I was before and I could not be more relieved! Secondly, you would never have seen God in such a powerful and glorious way had I not gone through what I have. If I had another healthy pregnancy right away we’d all rejoice and be happy which is totally fine. However, we would have missed God’s glory, magnificence, power, beauty, grace, righteousness, gentleness had this been the case. His glory shines so brightly now. Last, He, I believe, was protecting Scott and I from having a baby with special needs or major health problems. Scott and I pray daily, and always have when I am pregnant, for a healthy vibrant baby. When the baby wasn’t healthy, he took her away.
So, there you have it. That’s my heart. All I desire through this is that you see the AMAZING God I love! I may not understand Him all the time but I know and believe that He is merciful, glorious, and mighty! He has great plans for this baby! I just feel it in my bones! If you are a believer, please take a moment to praise Him for this miracle and stop for a moment and thank Him for the miracles He gives you EVERYDAY! If you are still not convinced that He is God, that there is a God, just follow my story. You will see Him. Also, take a moment to reread this week’s “Monday Musings.” I really think the verses of praise will have new meaning for you!
I love and cherish all of you! Thank you for taking the time to read what comes purely from my heart. Thank you for praying for me and my family. This miracle would not be occurring in my life without the power and presence of prayer. Please continue praying that the test results come back negative and that sweet little miracle baby keeps thriving! I will keep you posted!
“Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God.” Romans 4:20
“Through Him we have gained access by faith into His grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope and glory of God.” Romans 5:2
Love & Blessings,
Meg
On My Knees
FLASHBACK POST: Lately, I have realized that I need to share what brought me into the blogging world: my story. My original blog (hello, MySpace) was a place where I recorded milestones and triumphs of our first born and our adventures in a new town. …
My Whole Life. My Whole World.
FLASHBACK FRIDAY: A Post on Motherhood to Celebrate All The Mamas Out There Ten years ago my husband and I loaded everything we owned into a moving van. We strapped our 15-month old into his car seat and headed 3,000 miles east to plant new …
NO Regrets
I looked over at my husband during worship at church and thought, “I want to enjoy this guy for forever.” I just want to enjoy him. I don’t want to try and change him, nag him, or ask him to do all the things. I just want to enjoy my time with him.
I want to live my best life with no regrets. I want to live my best life unapologetically.
Our world is full of sadness. It seems we see devastation more than celebration. When something good happens, we tend to apologize for it instead of enjoying the moment. I don’t know about you, but oftentimes I feel guilty for enjoying my life. Sounds crazy, but I do.
Don’t apologize for your life. Show up to it.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
I believe the enemy loves when we don’t enjoy our lives; when we feel guilty for being happy. The narrative has shifted in our culture and if you’re happy, that means you are unsympathetic to the world. Not true. It just isn’t true. We can weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15 ) and still enjoy our lives. We can be empathetic and our hearts grieved that cancer came back for our friend while remaining grateful and enjoying the blessings before us at the same time. It does not have to be one or the other.
Forty. It’s comin’ for me and I am ready to accept it arms wide open. I have decided that I am going to enjoy this precious life. It is a gift and I am going to unwrap it like a kid on Christmas morning. I will because He has given me this life to enjoy not just sludge through. Will there be hard times? Yup. And I will allow myself to mourn in those moments. Is life hard sometimes? Absolutely. However, choosing to enjoy your life does not mitigate hardships. It just changes your focus.
I refuse to allow the enemy to steal my joy. Allowing him to steal my joy puts a lid on hope and I am not willing to allow anyone or anything to rob me of my hope. Without hope, I am lost and I lose Jesus.
Giving myself permission to live my best life unapologetically allows others to see Jesus more clearly. When I choose joy even though my surroundings are dim, people wonder. And when people wonder, I get to share Jesus. That, my friends, is living my best life.
So, go on the vacation and don’t apologize. Tell of the good things in your life with humility and grace proclaiming the One whom good gifts come (James 1:17). Follow your dreams with enthusiasm. Celebrate your triumphs and your friends. Love your husband something fierce and talk about it (because we all need encouragement in our marriages). Tell of your good fortune and where it stems from (Jesus, of course).
God has gifted you this life. It is time you start living it unapologetically. It is okay to celebrate the good life you are given because you have a “good good Father” (Good Father-Chris Tomlin ) who loves to lavish you with His blessings. Celebrate His goodness in your life. Enjoy the things He has given you. It is His breath in our lungs and it is time we sing His praises for His goodness in our lives.
Live your best life. Because living your best life is living out Jesus.
Love & Blessings,
Meg
Expiration Date
I set the milk down on the counter. My oldest took a sip and ate his breakfast. The middle kid took a sip and about died. The milk was bad. I checked the expiration date and it was still good. I smelled it (Why do …